Today, on your birthday I am overwhelmed with the love and
memories we share. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you and wish I had
more time. I guess that’s the cliché surrounding death, wishing we had just one
more day to spend with the person we've lost. You said it best in a letter to
Lily:
“Our hearts are ripped open and bleed. We mortals don’t know
what to do with the pain of separation and as we try to grasp the enormity of
it we are quickly surrounded by family and close friends who seem, in some
wonderful way to help us begin to accept which must be accepted.”
Losing you has been one of the hardest things I've ever been through. I've watched as our family has grieved your immense loss and the thing
that strikes me most is how much you’re loved. Grandpa especially loves you and
watching him deal with this grief has been heartbreaking. The love he has for
you is admirable and something I can only dream of having someday. I've watched
as my mother has dealt with this loss, knowing there’s nothing I can do to ease
her pain. I've watched Ellie as she’s tried to comprehend what changes your
loss will bring.
You taught me so much, Grandma. Such as the importance of
family, being there for people in need, and blue eye shadow. The traditions you
passed on are also something I will always treasure. Your loss often seems
unbearable, but it’s through our traditions and memories your legacy lives on.
Remember when I had to have my kidney biopsy and you were
there every step of the way? You let me take the temperature of your eye while
we waited, you pushed me in my giant stroller, and you made me a scrapbook to
remember it all. You were there for me in some of the biggest moments of my
life: the loss of Lily, the endless trips to Primary Children’s, Ellie’s birth,
and my parents’ divorce. While we didn't always see eye to eye, I knew I could
always count on you.
I miss you every day and
often find myself regretting the time I took for granted. Thanks for everything
Grandma – for always being the person I could turn to in times of need,
inspiring me to be the very best me, and loving me despite all my flaws.
I love you to the moon and
back,
Zoe
