Dear Oma,

Today, on your birthday I am overwhelmed with the love and memories we share. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you and wish I had more time. I guess that’s the cliché surrounding death, wishing we had just one more day to spend with the person we've lost. You said it best in a letter to Lily:

“Our hearts are ripped open and bleed. We mortals don’t know what to do with the pain of separation and as we try to grasp the enormity of it we are quickly surrounded by family and close friends who seem, in some wonderful way to help us begin to accept which must be accepted.”

Losing you has been one of the hardest things I've ever been through. I've watched as our family has grieved your immense loss and the thing that strikes me most is how much you’re loved. Grandpa especially loves you and watching him deal with this grief has been heartbreaking. The love he has for you is admirable and something I can only dream of having someday. I've watched as my mother has dealt with this loss, knowing there’s nothing I can do to ease her pain. I've watched Ellie as she’s tried to comprehend what changes your loss will bring.  

You taught me so much, Grandma. Such as the importance of family, being there for people in need, and blue eye shadow. The traditions you passed on are also something I will always treasure. Your loss often seems unbearable, but it’s through our traditions and memories your legacy lives on.

Remember when I had to have my kidney biopsy and you were there every step of the way? You let me take the temperature of your eye while we waited, you pushed me in my giant stroller, and you made me a scrapbook to remember it all. You were there for me in some of the biggest moments of my life: the loss of Lily, the endless trips to Primary Children’s, Ellie’s birth, and my parents’ divorce. While we didn't always see eye to eye, I knew I could always count on you. 

I miss you every day and often find myself regretting the time I took for granted. Thanks for everything Grandma – for always being the person I could turn to in times of need, inspiring me to be the very best me, and loving me despite all my flaws.

I love you to the moon and back,

Zoe